Lets talk Caca !

Today is one of those days … I long for a puff … a nice loooonnnngggg deep one at that, with Sid on the balcony …. Maybe we could throw in a couple of beers too…. The guilt I feel while expressing this desire annoys me to no end. But, then I am pregnant which means my fears are irrational, my guilt comes from years of being told what “acceptable” social behavior for a pregnant woman is.

Yesterday was different. When I was asked how I see my pregnancy, I replied I don’t romanticize it. What are my fears I was asked. I fear there won’t be us, Sid and Me, I said. The cuddles will have to be shared. Our dictionary of obscenities will have to put away, our dirty jokes, words like caca, kakoos etc. will be used only after furtive glances over, behind, and under, each others shoulder and armpits! And ya most importantly we won’t be “meeting” as often! (*meeting is a key word used by many doctors/nurses to avoid embarrassment to themselves. This is a word used to describe the very act that results in parents becoming parents!!! )

And ya, I fear there won’t be any me left. There won’t be a bank balance for a while. There won’t be mindless indulgence (like a totally unnecessary scented candle for the toilet!). I will be “milked” empty day and night, and reduced to a brimming, squirting, sleepless, oversized milk tub!

Weighed down by all these emotions lashing around my head, I lie down to watch some TV and something worse happens- I smell baby PUKE! The white watery puke that happens after a feed …. I could swear to you I smelt it! It was like a whiff of my future! My mind screeched at the thought of the many other gooey’s that await me, purging, caca filled diapers, endless bouts of susu! I chose to fall asleep to escape the smell and my overtly imaginative mind.

Yes! Yes Mothers already! I know it won’t matter once the baby comes along. It’s gratifying; it’s an act of martyrdom, selflessness and kindness, to some it is therapeutic too. It is also a wand that will be used when you child turns 18 and tells you how UNCOOL a parent you are. You will buy silence by saying - “I have washed your puny butt! How dare you talk to me that way?

It did not take long to decide that Sid my savior from bugs, beetles and all other flying insects, my hunter of rats, could do with some baby bottom therapy. All my mommy friends can have long conversations on cleaning baby bottoms and its many joys with my husband.

Now that I have handed the wand of power to Sid, I could focus on other preggy issues - my mid morning, mid noon, midnight, mid dawn snacks and my oversized, overfilled, overactive, over enthusiastic bladder which demands that I stop NOW!!!