It's wonderful to be pregnant or is it really all that wonderful? To feel an itchy bloated stomach and feel your legs heavy like logs is not exactly lovely is it? And the heartburn that makes me run a mile away from all the food I once loved, is not a pretty thought.
What I have discovered these past 5 months of being pregnant is mothers don’t always remember the pain and the discomfort associated with pregnancy. It is the same old clichéd, Oh, I saw my baby smile, I fell in love and all the pain vanished or " my husband made my pregnancy so perfect the pain did not matter" ” When I heard the latter remark I decided, I am NOT telling mothers how I feel physically. Because the lack of memory they exhibit makes me feel like a crabby bitch!
Don’t get me wrong I love where I am! To know I am the chosen one in the marriage to carry this bundle of joy, is definitely a reason to celebrate. Aparna who does not drive, who cannot change tube lights, who cannot handle technology, who cannot handle speed, CAN be a mother! Even nature knew that Sidharth would be no match to me on this one front! And yeah that makes me feel AWESOME.
To know I can nurture within me and will nurture for many more years to come is heartwarming. And also, this is truly the only thing that Sid and I have created that is only OURS! Yes, Gibran says otherwise. But then Gibran was never pregnant so he would never know how it feels! The scans are lovely, and the first sight of tiny a nose and itsy bitsy hands wring my tear ducts and force them to over perform! The feeling of butterfly wings moving inside is completely divine.
But the truth is also that my jeans don’t fit me no more! My sexy lingerie will have to be wrapped put away sometime soon. Half my wardrobe has been handed over to my sister who is young, pretty and slim, all in anticipation that I will not need most of these clothes in a long time. I can’t have a beer without feeling guilt. Oh yes all the “be positive” talk is beginning to get me super annoyed! And then to top it all bloody Cosmopolitan magazine says 75% men place flat stomachs on top of their sexual fantasy list! (Sid better fall under the balance 25 %!)
Excerpts Conversation with unmarried friend:
Unmarried friend: Hope you are drinking milk every day.
Me: I cannot handle milk, makes me feel sick.
Unmarried friend: Oh no but you should its good for your baby.
Me: Dude it’s not good for me, makes me want to throw up!!! My Doc says it is ok not to have milk.
Unmarried friend: What is a little throwing up for your baby’s’ sake? You should drink milk.
Me:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why don’t people just keep their opinions to themselves??? Everybody Tom, Dick, Harry, Jane and Jill has something to say! Go have one of your own is all I have to tell them all. It’s very- very hard to handle all the concern, and free advice that flows in all the time.
The society we come from makes it nearly impossible to get others uninvolved. But I am sure we women could begin by not sugarcoating motherhood as much as we do. Why can’t we call discomfort by that very name? Would it not be ok when I tell my child 20 years from now, “You know what baby when I carried you my legs killed me and I hated this part of my pregnancy. I cried on certain days because I felt sad about the stretch marks I was developing. That your father and I could not share a cigarette anymore was not pleasant. I was not positive all the time; life was changing so drastically I worried at many points. But I still tried the best I could. I enjoyed you to the best of my ability and loved you immensely from the minute I knew you existed.”
Would it be ok to say this? I hope I will have the courage to say so if need be. Or maybe like the many mothers out there I will see my baby smile and forget I ever said all of this ….
